profile. entries. links.

no animals are hurt in the creation of this blogskin.
if there are any coincidences mentioned, do not doubt, i must be referring to you.

PANG ZHUANG YI
true enough. well, if i am not talking when you see me, it can only mean two things; either i am overwhelmed by someone or i am E M O ing.
temper is on the SUPERB extreme. try me if you do not believe in that.

if a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then is an empty desk?

no wonder my desk is always flooded. =D

26/04: i woke up at 0915 to attend a meeting at 11. i happily took the bus and told the bus driver to alert me when my stop has reached. i was supposed to alight at parkway, but the driver only remembered me when the bus has reached bedok.

i know i do not have brains but any teeny weeny bit of common sense will tell me that parkway is not in bedok. i took the bus from the bus stop across the street.

me: is parkway very far from bedok?
bus driver: yes, very far.
me: approximately how many stops?
bus driver: 10 plus.

-,- jasmine told me that it is very near wor.
it felt like a second surFIVErace. unwanted.

i felt that i was as unwanted, like how unwanted a lonely second surFIVErace is to me.

27/04: we went to mug at wrl again.
i had one hour of FUN and power nap.
i had to revitalize myself from the emo-ness.

i went to find xiao xing.
my first time at vivo. x=
we went in circles and circles.
we saw man lin.
we went in circles and circles again.
we went home.
i went home.
i saw manlin at the underground of yishun mrt station again.
i did not want to go home but i have school. no choice.


how it felt, was totally different.

like duh.

i cannot understand my stupidity.


28/04: the usual transition from blue to black.
but for today, it was blue to black TO ROTTEN.

- 1.5 hours of "JC1 TEST" was replaced by talks.
- i had to redo SPA and answers were WRONG.
- i could not control but drifted off during chinese.
- i still cannot grasp history's everything at all.
- economics lecture was full of question marks.
- NAPFA for PE was horrendous and so painful.
- student dialogue session reminded me of YTSC.

tell me. how bad can things get?
everything is rotten to the max. )=

wednesday is debate. what i know is,
a gothic emo xiao zhu cannot debate well.


i cannot expect everything from you.


do i or do i not invite sadness and emo-ness?


here is my entry for my last 6 days. WAH. 6 days.

20/04: woohoo. i got my phone back, the ecstasy!
mugged in woodlands library. half as conducive as cc.
i went home earlier to meet 19th NCOs for dinner!


when whatever i say to console myself no longer has any effect.
_____________________________________________

21/04: hai. as usual. blue until black black.
maths test was first thing in the morning. hai.
first history essay assignment given. i realised i am no longer sleeping in history lessons! hurray.

pe was, you know, yeah. push ups, crutches and warm up are the usuals. we had a mini relay competition. like those you have had in primary schools. do to the other end, do something then run back and the next person goes off. we had push ups, crutches, hopping, CRAB WALK there (not by the side, but something horrendous) and others. x=


i am scared that my fear will become a truth.
tie zheng ru shan de shi shi.

_____________________________________________

22/04: oh yes. the HOD of IT announced to the school that the school is going full wireless (i think so) on monday. he asked us to bring whatever laptops, notebooks to school to try the system. he apparently does not know monday is the worst day for a lot of year 1 students. ONLY 30 MINUTES OF BREAK. skip our lunch to try the wireless?

try tickling me. i might laugh more than proportionately when you tickle me than telling me to bring laptop to try and skip my dear pathetic 30 minutes of lunch.

we were split into our PW groups. oh the misery starts now!


how is it possible for me to do what i was never meant to?

_____________________________________________

23/04: econs test was first thing in the morning. hai.

chinese lesson was fun. from "ke4" which means curse, we talked about the 5 elements, zodiac, tarot cards, oujia boards and experiences.

we slacked throughout our break. XD. that was the first time we really do not care and chatted for the 1.5 hours. hahaha. religion, PSLE aggregate, secondary schools, O level papers!

PI is due on THIS friday!
~friday friday please don't come~
hahaha.

i am so disappointed again for what i did not do.


the emptiness has once again returned.

_____________________________________________

24/04: pe was as torturous as usual. warm up, 20 push ups, 20 crutches, 20 double action crutches, 20 sit ups. AND THEN 5 ROUNDS OF THE TRACK. i cannot imagine i took the same timing to run 6 rounds in march and 5 rounds at end of april. x.X


i wrote this on the whiteboard when i presented my answers.
lack of the supply causeds the price to increase drastically.


we went to visit rahimi. he is looking good. (= which is good! we bumped into his poly friends then we went down to the lobby to pick hue up with bedok and ridhwan. lalala. we crapped in malay, chinese and english of course.
we left earlier for dinner. (:


(i feel that if you are in it, you should give it your best shot. i am not so sure what is your reason but i hope it really substantiates your leave.) -> just crap actually. everyone can ignore this rubbish.


i hate it. the fact that the fairy tale is really really going to end.
if i could leave, i would fly away immediately.
_____________________________________________

25/04: it was one year since that sms. you do not care, but i do.
today is friday and PI is due!
i slept at only 0300. i was polishing my PI.

i survived without sleeping in any lesson! miraculously. =D


PI SUBMITTED! TUTOR SIGNED! PI GONE! GPP COMES!


i sort of volunteered myself to be the second speaker for next wednesday's debate. PROPO team will win. =D this house believes that advertising is coercive. i shall try to contribute to the victory of PROPO team. (=


you know perfectly what i DISlikes most.
yet you have done what i hate most again.


i can make up a dozens of excuses for you to be in the right.
but only you know the reason best to what you have done.


i had a hearty chat over the phone.
i was on the phone with xiao xing.
everyone, xiao xing is her new nick.


i tried to hide my smile from you,
when you told me you realised.
i was bao qing tian last week.


i realised i emo over the simplest things.
i emo over a sms or a random comment.
right now, what kind of mood do i have?


i am going out to mug tml AND
dinner with 19th batch of NCOs.


a moment of deja vu with you.



17/04: what happened during lesson.
i really do not know what to say. )=

PE: 1 lap for warm up, 2.4km jog, 27 sit ups, 20 crunches, 20 double-action push-ups, 20 back raisers and 20 alternate back raisers.


thou shall just wait,
thou shall not probe.


18/04: sleep sleep sleep.
all zhuang yi knows is to sleep.
now great. you missed everything!


i want to sue streetdirectory.com. i can reach HCI by bus 852 from yishun but it was not reflected. in the end i had to take train to buona vista then bus 74. it was 7 when i was at the bus stop.

after that, when i see that bus 74 actually passes dover, another surge of anger came to me. I TOOK TRAIN FROM YISHUN TO JURONG EAST TO DOVER TO BUONA VISTA, IN THE END TO PASS BY DOVER AFTER 10 MINUTES OF THE BUS. i totally wasted half an hour just to take 74 from buona vista.

GRR.


when i reached tower building, i saw darius and jiahan. when i walked in further, i knew that IT'S THE END, as i saw a patch of blue. HAI.


sleep sleep sleep.
all zhuang yi knows is to sleep.
now great. you missed everything!


like all other ceremonies: chat, take photos, take food, eat food, drink water, chat, change, wait and home sweet home.


wo fei chang de qing xing, (:(:
zhe yi qie dou fa shen zai wo shen shang.


i cannot believe that i am so diputs.

i just dropped my 0.38 black pen and it think it landed directly on the tip! IT IS STILL NEW. now i have to waste $1+ to get a refill later in school. boo!

i cannot believe that i am so diputs.

i have WORK to do during the one hour break!
- general paper ;
- economics ;
- history ;
- chinese.

where have i wasted my time to?


you woke me up when i was lost.
you pointed out to me where i should go.
now that you are down, how can i help you? ):


13/04: aftermath of NPAP. i slept from 1 to 11 which i rotted in bed to 3 plus. hahaha! it was really tiring. if not for the sake of homework, i would have slept till monday morning. x= anyway i did not do much work either. =D

i did light housework like vacuuming the floor. XD.

you are still as good as ever. (:


14/04: history lesson in the morning to replace the lesson used for history test in may. i have never got so frustrated with any practicals. what kind of off-white precipitate was that seriously. i only had about 20 minutes of break because of repeated experiments. i did 6 times!

i realised that the school management has banned the sale of chocolates, sweets and biscuits in the bookshop! it is a horrifying fact! the cupboard which used to contain the chocolates, is now used to contain foolscap pads. oh man.

i thought of you when i was informed about it.


15/04: i guess i must slack the first lesson of the day everytime. hahaha. i cannot concentrate! it is too early! my engines are only switched on when it is like 0900 onwards. i am getting sick of the hectic routine, but is there anything i can do? i can only grit my teeth and move on. -,-

my phone finally said byebye to me. and i am saying byebye to my internal memory. )= all my reminders!

i travelled to woodlands to meet buddy and sent it for repairs at the samsung mobile shop.
one week!
one week without music.
one week without camera or nice photos.
one week without special indication that you smsed.


i am doing what i want others to do to me.


16/04: chemistry test early in the morning. we discussed half of the answers during chemistry tutorial. why half? coz majority of the class was not listening to mr chua then he moved on to other work. -,-

writing an essay is difficult, especially it is your first time. you do not exactly know how to start coz you are new to GP essay, you do not know what is the appropriate length and you do not know how to end a paragraph.

coz why? you are not familiar to GP essay yet.


ye se yi wan le, ni qu xiu xi ba.


12/04: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS.

the long awaited day has dawned upon US.

i woke up late at 0620 when i was supposed to meet derek at 0630. i rushed out of my house at 0635 and forgetting to bring my black socks. oh my gosh. how dumb can i get. hahaha. i am glad i remembered. if i did not, i can still go to lot 1 to get.

we slacked in everest for a while then changed into our half uniform and did markings in harmony hall. we went back to FI office and waited for new instructions. the FIs decided to have breakfast at lot 1. i went to change to pt kit. IT IS SERIOUSLY MORE COMFORTABLE THAN ANY OTHER ATTIRE. (=


i moved away when i saw him.


we (jasmine, me, michelle and mingjun) took ms tay's car to lot 1 and then actually all four of us did not buy anything. we just chatted and stoned. i changed back to my half uniform and rushed out the reminders with jasmine's help (i am hopeless with desktop and printer -,-) and got to everest for briefing.


buffet for lunch again!
the vegetables was not as nice.
it was dry without oyster sauce. XD.

it was a chaotic day and all of us went to the allocated venues to wait for the cadets. we marked attendance, rested and set off to the amoury to draw rifles and to drill shed. training was as per normal. we had two incomplete run-throughs and off we went for our breaks.


it was at 1530.
2 hours before form-up.
2.5 hours before actual parade.


we changed into our full number 1 and marched all the way to the drill shed. all was panicky. something cropped up but i shall not mention the unhappiness. buttons started to fly out (XD), cadets falling out to proceed to the lavatories, we had our last component trainings, selections and final reminders.


there were crop ups again.
why are all the officers like that?
it is difficult for us who are on the ground.

the emcees' voices boomed into the microphone.
it was soft from the drill shed, but the voices indeed made everyone mumbling amongst themselves. OH MY. the parade has started.

izwan! he has commanded the SCs out and GOH formed up before contingent 6 as they left for the unity square.


self hunus pedang and pacing from GOH 2.
i reminded myself of my mistakes and avoided them.

my knees felt weak. oh my gosh. it was too tiring to keep them straightened for so long. it was impossible to keep it bent as i might collapse to the floor. what i did was, one leg straightened and one leg not. i hope it was not too obvious. x=


it is really impossible to keep looking in front.
i looked at the schools' reps.
i looked at aaron and the rest.
i looked at zhijun and the rest.
i looked at keekwoon and alan.
i looked at izwan marching back.

the loud recitation of the npcc pledge and
the loud singing of the national anthem.

FINALLY IT WAS THE MARCH PAST.

i pushed myself to turn to the right and i marched off according to the drum roll. i overshot my paces. hahaha! i took 8-4 steps but that eight paces i took was too much. q=

how can anyone have so many practices and rehearsals on the ground and only to experience a protruding tile on the actual march past.

and that 'anyone', was me.


i chased all the "goats" away from harmony hall and returned to LT1. i guess my phone is really crazy. it flickered when wen bin was about to take a photo of me and xiao-something. -,-

it is really time for some servicing. x=

________________________________________________

hai. i emo-ed AGAIN on my way back to everest.
i guess no one realised? or rather, no one cared.
my face was really very black, like friend of kiwi.


it was my first time lowering flag in HTA.
it was my first time lowering flag in number 1.
it was my first time emo-ing in number 1, lowering flag in HTA.


i did not expect you to inform me. (:(:


08/04: blood donation! (=


can i do something meaningful with you the next time?
________________________________________________

09/04: last NPAP training before the actual. x=
i only reached unit square at 1730 and i made it JUST in time for the last run-through. it was really hot and my feet and toes went numb! rasidah had to drag her legs for the march past.

what was my purpose?
what is my purpose?
what was my attitude?
what is my attitude?
what was my goal?
what is my goal?

you know nothing; you are a failure.


why do i always check my phones?
when i know you do not sms or reply me.

________________________________________________

10/04: nothing much, i guess.
or rather, my memory failed me AGAIN.


i am exploding with questions for you,
but i guess all these only mattered to me.

________________________________________________

11/04: lessons as per normal boring.

it was finally after school and i went back to get my o levels cert. disgusting cert followed by disgusting happenings. x=

we have to move the cartons of water and snacks to the classrooms allocated to contingents and performing groups.

i am glad we had NS trainees to help us move from the bottom to the top of the long flight of stairs then to outside the classrooms. but after that, we have to move into the classrooms. x= it is really a tough job moving them from block 12 to auditorium and back to block 12 again. x.X


i am exhausted.


i am currently still blogging while preparing my uniform and polishing my going-to-be-beautiful boots.

EVERYTHING WILL BE SMOOTH.
NPAP 2008 WILL BE A SUCCESS!


how will things turn out tml? thumbs up or down?
if it is up for you, i do not mind me getting a down.



i collapsed while watching the World Trade Center for my history movie review. i replied rubbish to rafael. "gthem it woith". hahaha! i was less than 10% awake at that time. i forgot what i was trying to say. LOL. i was woken by my sister to switch off the laptop and go to bed PROPERLY.

i guess i have insufficient rest. x= i did not do as well as last week's PE. i must exhibit my best for NAPFA. i must get GOLD.

from World Trade Center,
"pain is good,
pain is your friend,
if you are feeling pain,
you are still alive."

i realised i am full of LIFE,
since i am drowned in pain.

i shall do what - said to me on my tagboard.
"only when u clear ur tears can u see things better.."
i shall not well tears up and hide from things.
i will face them and settle problems, independently.
(=
________________________________________________

here is a whatever from gggb's blog.

what is your name?
zhuang yi.

how old are you?
16+.

when is your birthday?
9th october.

are looking forward to it?
half half?

why?
yes- once in a year, okay!
no- promotional exams. x=

are you happy?
now? hmm. half.

what makes you happiest?
you know, you know. hahaha!

are you afraid of something?
of course.

do you live alone, or with someone else?
with someone else

who?
my family.

do you have any pets?
my little cockroachES and mosquitoES.

what is your favourite cartoon?
i have no childhood? hahaha.

have you ever hit a deer?
hit? by car? i guess no? I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE.

do you drink?
once in a month or more frequently. =D

do you prefer beer or liquor?
green tea. (same as gggb)

what is your favourite non-alcoholic drink?
green tea, must be pokka's!

what kind of cell phone do you have?
samsung SGH u700. SLIDE.
nokia 6230. MONOLITH.
some old samsung. FLIP.

do you like it?
touch screen of u700 are not working well now! x.X

what is the funniest word you ever heard?
bai sher bah by ansar.

do you hate it when people call you "dear"?
depends on who. (same as gggb)

to whom have you sent the most text messages?
is him or her? i cannot remember.

what did you do for new year's eve?
i was stuck at home, having a fever. -,-
and i missed BRAVO's returning of uniforms. x=

were there lots of pictures?
i was sick.

what is your favourite movie?
many many. (=

what is your favourite song?
the more emo the song is,
the more i like it. hahaha!

what concerts do you want to see in 2008?
hmm. none.

do you have any tattoos?
nah.

what is your favourite place to chill out?
bed, in front of laptop, places with you around with me.

do you work out?
i tried. succeeded and now i gained the weight back.

do you wear any jewerly?
depends on occasion. (same as gggb)

what is your favourite memory of the past couple of years?
wah. *a long list unrolls.* HTA is one of them.

what is your goal for the year?
*another long list unrolls.* to grow taller, to be lighter, promoted and not advanced, possess better stamina, LONG NAILS and more.

what do you think about when you first wake up?
i want to skip school. which i never did. x=

do you shower daily?
i shower once and bathe once.

... alone?
who else?

have you ever eaten sushi?
yes.

do you like it?
i like all food!

list three things you can't live without:
1. my music
2. friends!
3. money $$!

what is your best physical feature?
my calf, excluding my thighs. hahaha!

what is your middle name?
hmm. li ma.

do you get choked up during dramatic movies?
sometimes when i am in the mood.

what is your biggest pet peeve?
people to comment about sensitive issues to me.

have you ever liked someone that all your friends hate?
i think so?

is there anything that you regret?
*the third long list unrolls.*

do you want children?
i adore kids, when they are quiet. =D

how many?
2 or 3?

have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
i do not wish to get one.

what is your favourite number?
no idea?

what is your favourite sports team?
i am not into sports.

what is your most over-used phrase?
"hahaha" and more.

what do you not say enough?
words of concern. (=


how long is this going to last?



hello everyone, i am back.

05/04: jasmine woke me up at 0627. actually i have to reach HTA by 0800 to do the parade markings. but then, (i am lazy to carry on). it was 0920 when i reached HTA and 0930 when i reached unity square. it was markings, markings and markings again.

briefing started late and we had buffet lunch! woots! i had a mountain shape on my plate, as quoted from xiao something (she has yet to choose). hers was like a plateau. after MY filling lunch, we changed into our wear-it-and-you-can-blend-in-with-everest's-walls pale yellow NPAP 2008 half uniform.

pre-preview training was bad.
preview was good,
but still a lot of AFIs.
i flared up and emo-ed from 1945 onwards.
i was slightly better at 2345 but still emo.


i often wonder if i was being incapable.


06/04: i was ZOMBIE-FIED as i did not sleep the previous night.
i was following hong kai like a zombie and then when he pointed to the door and said i was supposed to go there to return to geography room, i did so. SO ZOMBIE LIKE.


this is quoted from my horoscope from www.astrology.com.

After an emotional few days, things are starting to feel calm again. Clear your calendar and enjoy a mellow evening at home with some favorite DVDs and some take out for dinner. A little escapism in the form of your favorite hot movie star on the screen is just what you need right now.

it is true that these few days are very emotional for me. i think everyone can tell that from my previous blog posts. LOL.
________________________________________________

my phone is certified weird. i think i will have to get it fixed by next week. the sensors are half working now. it must not not work you know. i have to click the middle button for it to work. oh my.
i must send it for repair by end of this week. -,-


please continue to add colours to my life.


04/04: now in the midst of a camp. XD.
i am going to interrogate someone really soon. (=

i have accidentally stumbled upon a top secret.
i have guessed it earlier on. and i am proven correct.

(:(:

how i wish mrs liou will agree to postponing ALL general paper's tutorials to tuesday, 1610-1705's slot. hahaha. but then again, will i study?

all the time, there are two sides to a coin.


why did you want to do that for?
it so pains me to see you suffer.


05/04: it is NPAP preview later on.
i did not sleep a wink since 1230 (international time).

now everyone around me is sleeping. x=
they must, coz there is a 5km run to ECP later.

i shall endure through this.
i have endured through this with a wink during parade. =D

how can i return to the campfire asap?


i want to capture those experiences in my heart forever.
just like how my sim card saves significant information.


both of you are taking turns.

what they said, is not fictional.
it is true that once you do something wrong,
ALL your painstaking efforts will come to naught.

painstaking efforts include skipping bridging lecture.

i do not even tell you
- where i am going ;
- what i am doing ;
- what i am thinking ;
- who are my friends ;
- when are my exams.

coz i know you do not bother.

all my efforts are condemned, when i do ONE thing wrong.
it takes only one thing to condemn all my time and efforts.

you mentioned about the disappointment.
do you think the feeling is not mutual?
i am not as good, but i really tried.

tears were on the verge.
my eyes were closed to stop them from emerging.
i do not want anyone at home to know.

if they will flow out the moment my eyes are open,
i would rather my eyes are shut forever.


i need you, but i do not want to be a burden for you.


01/04: HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL'S DAY!
lame joke from si yuan: mas selamat is caught.

oh yes. rafael was caught for speeding. x=


02/04: training at HTA for NPAP. debrief ended at around 2100. and by the time i reached home, it was 2300. snorts. i was so pig that i did almost nothing but slack and EMO.


03/04: PE from 0810-0905. one round, warm up, 5 rounds, 30 crutches, 30 sit ups and 30 back raisers and 20 pumpings.
hiong ar!

the 5 rounds today was approximately 2.4km and i clocked a satisfying timing. i have improved from the previous one i had. =D

yeah yeah. we argued again. it is not as if it is something extra. it is my CCA. everyone else in YJC has a CCA; it is just that mine is for 6 years and you might just be sick of seeing me polishing boots, preparing uniforms and returning home late from trainings and parades. and then?

what the heck?

it is 100% no way you should relate vulgarity to NPCC.
it is rather rare that i have negative amount of respect.

what the heck?

________________________________________________

staring at the brighter AND sunnier side:

(STARES)

i am going for a camp from tml to sunday!
NPAP preview is on 04/04/08's evening!
i am very excited BUT nervous for both!


do you know that it is a new challenge for me?

alvin
derek
doreen
lizzie
jiaxin
joel
jolene
jonathan
julitta
kang ming
kee kwoon
rafael
rahimi
razak
rena
si qian
valerie
wei hao
ziyi

ansar; BAI SHER BAH
howleong
joycelyn
peixin
sandy
yiling

berlinda
billy
debbie
cerelia
cherie
ferry
hannah tan!
hannah tan!
kerry
melissa
peiwen
STQY
selina
ting hui
wen yan

becky
catherine
cheryl tay
chuanwan
edna
eileen
fasihah
frederick
huiyu
kian ru
li fen
patrine
sin yee
siti suhaina
vernicia
xiubin
xueli
yi shiuan
zi wei

march update!

22/02 - 28/02.

CNY reflection.

14/02 - 21/02.

31/01 - 13/02.

22/01 - 30/01.

17/01 - 21/01.

JC 2 week 1.

10/01 - 16/01.

07/01 - 09/01.

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007

September 2007

October 2007

November 2007

December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

March 2010