31/07
Tuesday, July 31, 2007 @ 11:07:00 PM
today must be one of my lousiest day.
school as usual. ss em recess am el el lunch ndp. i did the compre during english and went off at lunch like duh. my number 1 is extremely big. i regret taking a big one due to the sleeves. i totally regret it. once my drill cane is poked through, everything is ugly,
fugly. i wear size 3 or 4, but due to the sleeves, i took 6 this time. the sleeve is like double the distance of where my drill cane should be from my shoulder.
i made a lot of mistakes today. i forgot to salute, forgot to take one step back, forgot to this, forgot to that. why am i so stupid today. i hate myself when i make mistakes when it is not the time to. i hate it. i hate myself. is it because of my gigantic number 1 thus affecting my mood and my memory? all these suck, alright.
i also do not like the way they work. i was told that the SCs are to be ready by 230, goh 245 and the first round to start at 3. the rehearsal only started at around 330. first round was without goh. what is this man. we waited for them for almost 2 hours. try putting yourselves inside our shoes. i tried to make up excuses for them, but the opposing idea would be, they can just sms or call to inform us. you are busy, are we not. O's leh. you are drawing a 4 to 5 figure salary. and we were out there slogging our guts out.
yes, we may make mistakes, but think. who would be more tired. i think it would be better for us to plan this ndp on our own, although it will take hell lot of time. you just have to say or nod, we have to do major changes. you are tired, they are tired, everyone is tired. if she was to scold me for delaying her meeting, i could have said this out of spite and anger, "i seriously think my cadet who is not feeling well, is more important than a meeting."
i have tomorrow to finish my boards. now starting to stick everything. i guess i would only have 5 boards if i really squeeze everything and 6 if i spread the materials out a little.
final lap. i will miss all the art moments we had together.
speeches?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 @ 10:20:00 PM
i chanced upon this when i was reading ansar's blog. it is quite cool, so i decided to do it too.
list down 6 things you want to say to 6 different people, don't reveal who they are.A.
i guess you do not read blogs, but i am still telling you this via here. i guess you are one of the few who manage to change my emotions at will. you can give me peace, satisfaction, anger, desperation, heart wreck and everything. i cannot say i hate you, i cannot say i love you. you do not talk to me nowadays, for god-and-you-know reasons why. you claimed you do not know. there is no way i can force you to talk to me, when you said you have got nothing to talk to me. not even the most random topic, i wonder? not even asking me what homework (but usually i ask you) or how is my art or even asking me to help you to do things? we are in the same combination, not as if i am in dnt, you art. i am in history, you geog. i am in malay, you chinese. i am in poa, you amaths. from what i heard from her, you said i am avoiding or rather ignoring you, but that is not the truth. i am afraid of your reaction when i look or smile at you. it is saddening and extremely hurting to see you diao me or look away immediately. i fear thus i avoid. i do not want us to be like that forever. i fear that we might still be like that on graduation day or feb 2008. i hate this. 2 aug is the 100th day from the day you sent that message.
B.
i have known you since sec1. all this while you have been selfish and giving off the message of "i am unfriendly. do not come near me". all this while, i could not forget you even if i am in 2e6. this is not easy. all this came back in sec3 again. everything including the negative things also came back. i thought you have changed, but i heard from her, you have not. i do not know how to say and what to say. i am speechless. you have been winning honours that i feel i should be the one receiving them. i told myself you deserved all that. but i have been learning a lot from you. sometimes i am really caught between you and others. i know you are caught between us and them. have they been expecting too much from us or are we not up to standard? i am wondering if there will be anything more between us.
C.
oh! you are such a great "friend", i suppose? you have been a great help to me. i really felt like crying whenever you praised me and you would deny you are praising me and that i was a natural shine. omg. i felt really praised to the skies. you have been offering me help since i was sec 2. our interaction has been more than what it should be. both you and her are concerned about me, but both shows in different ways. maybe i would prefer yours more as you seemed more approachable. i will not forget everything, the great moments we have spent and definitely, all the support you have given me. thanks a lot. i will consider the treat you have promised me. (=
D.
you have been such a great person to stand by me for this tough period of time. amaths is always fun with you. i know you are also in some kind of conflict, but you also shared your dear attention with me. i am really touched although i did not voice out. i do not really know how to express myself. all the rest might think i am often in the 'emo' mood, but i am thinking of great, important things, missions if you like. haha. i do not think there is someone who understands me to, like maybe, 80%? you are one of the few who can understand to the limit of A1 or A2 standard. lol. if there was such a subject, "do you think you understand pang? (dytyup subject code: 7264/03)" ugly name i know. haha. another thing is, our class is getting weirder and weirder each second passes. i am really glad you are near me, with me, although sometimes far, of course. you and your harry potter-ing. haha. jiayou. thank you for having so much trust in me. i would cry for one whole day, just thinking of the great things you have said to me and the times you stood by me, listening to my crap. not counting in the memorable times together. you always
entertain me in amaths and vice versa. you never fail to spite me. never. despite that, you are still my great friend!
E.
you ar. everyday with your friend in the same career. irritating. my A1 for my malay oral- "aku rasa cini cakap pasal, er, pasar malam. ya. aku nampak lelaki itu makan nasi ayam. aku rasa hadapan dia, abang dia. aku, er, tunggu.
HAHA. so fun! you have been my teacher and i have learnt a lot from you. we have been quite close since do not know when and how. haha. you ar. everytime spend so much. have you like, returned your sister the money? trying to court death? spend lesser, would you? it is scary to see someone's bank account dwindling (for yours, ALREADY dwindleD). one day see your wallet have $40-odd then two days later, $5. DAMN IT SCARY. save up. i open one bank account for you. only i have the password (rofl!). you are a good listener, i am too! although i emo
very often. i promise to return to my cheerful or rather a more suitable word, nonsensical dumb idiot, after my crisis.
F.
my best friend in lessons! all the funny happenings in art. haha. i will never forget. ESP that day when you talked on the phone, trying to prevent a fight. the unglamourous me and yiling. that day is simply cool. the dinners we had together, targeting at almost the same people everyday. the thing is, there will be different people and different things about them everyday. it has been a really fun experience with you. all your funny actions and expressions are no less than mine! you may look quiet, but after really knowing you for 4 (actually 3) years, nah. quiet is not the word to describe you. i remember sitting beside you for chinese in sec1 for a short period of time. we shall continue to be best friends alright? rock on!
18/07 & 19/07
Thursday, July 19, 2007 @ 11:40:00 PM
supposedly can finish by 1159pm. lol. nvm.
yesterday i woke at around 545. i went to school with kian ru. i have to reach school by 7, but i was 5 minutes late though. it was not an easy day. i dozed off during comfortable physics in ava room. i am sorry, but at least i dozed off after i understood the concept.
the little story about the magnet and the solenoid. lol.
life is cool. haha. i had this SUDDEN thought. i am finally starting on hp and the hbp. woolala. i am sure i can finish it tomorrow. i was so shocked i saw marissa's book on one of my shelves. i thought i forgot to return it to her since i borrowed it from her. that was freaking scary to have discovered this i-feel-really-sorry truth.
it was not my fault. it does not feel good to be maligned. try growing up with maligns thrown at your face every now and then. try it, and tell me how you feel. the thing and feeling i hate most, is to be maligned than loneliness or anything. wu dai ji, bo dai ji, feng zhuang yi, feng zhuang yi. do you think it is cool? the feeling totally sucks. fyi.
today i woke up at 6 suddenly. as in just open my eyes and feel so alert. i crawled out from my covers and took my clothes to the bathroom. i went to mac to take breakfast away. weird. morning service is so good, gave me a great start, but other than morning? i was so shocked when i boarded the bus. it was rather full, but the bus driver was saying, 'teacher in school never teach students to move it ar?'
all these while i thought the teachers were maligning us, as most of the time, it was not our fault people cannot board, and at the same time, exaggerating the fact that the public is judging us. today i discovered the harsh truth.
we are wearing our school uniform, we do not really care about how we behave. sometimes
truth hurts and is harsh. we know it best if we are committing the mistake or not. it is not as if we are so innocent and do not know anything.
come off it. no one likes to be close to strangers, packed together in a bus. but why can't we throw away all these selfish thoughts? by harbouring these thoughts, we are just denying others the access to get on the bus or know you for the other cases.
you tell me if i am right by this, "you are already running late, you do not move in, the bus driver refuses to drive off, others cannot board. BECAUSE others cannot board, the bus driver refuses to drive off, AND you are already running late and you still refuse to move in." see what i am driving at? it forms a
TOTALLY DUMB vicious cycle.
school started that way for me. oh yes, another thing is, are there germs on the seat? you cannot sit down in order to let one more person get on the bus huh? no one likes their comfort zone to have someone else in, moreover some stranger. think it over people. human beings are not perfect, i know it well myself. i am the perfect example of extreme imperfection.
english another story. think zhuangyi. electromagnetic induction, chim. haha. i think i have grasped the concept? i had my second last physics practical before my prelim's. if i am not wrong, i will be doing the last practical session for chemistry tomorrow. chemistry is alright, except the fact that the recording part is a little tricky. i do not really know the terms and ways to phrase the observations. aiya. i think i forgot what i wanted to post. nvm. i shall post it as part of tomorrow's. night.
17/07
Tuesday, July 17, 2007 @ 11:24:00 PM
fuu! i woke up at 7 this morning. fagget. actually as usual, i woke at 6 and will definitely turn off the alarm. BUT will definitely wake up at 630 too. today was different. i was having an interesting dream, so i went back to sleep to find out what happens next.
i found myself dumb, to be tempted to sleep, because i want to know what happens next in my dream. O: + o_O + ~.- + #%#^$$^@#^$^.
i arrived in the foyer, finding out that sekolah senang diri was given. mr yeo said step down. no one did. i wondered if they were still in dreamland. i did. mr tay asked us to follow him. once again, no one did. i again wondered if they were still in dreamland. i did. well, i guess they do not want to be first to do anything. i read hp and oop again. i think i can finish tomorrow, as i did not read much today.
mdm saudah brought ms sarah to our level. i could swear i heard her introducing me to ms sarah. is it a guided tour or something? unsw was difficult or boring. $8.40 for that? ~.-
oral. i was not at all nervous. maybe i was too tired? i started to feel sleepy when nicholas chang went for his turn. it was him, howleong, sheena, evelyn, peixin then me. i went to samuel (time-keeper) and practised. i was racking my brains for the right words, but samuel insisted i was nervous and kept asking me not to. i think my results might be- reading 9/12, pd 9/12 and conversation 10/16. these are my estimated marks and i, of course, will not mind higher marks than this. my conversation was really short though.
i did not do much for touch-up today. which left me only tomorrow. gonna sleep. if not i cannot make it at 7 tomorrow, it will be fuu lucky for me. night! good luck for those having oral on the 20th.
16/07
Monday, July 16, 2007 @ 11:08:00 PM
i woke up at 645. fuu. i left house at 7. tompang ms chiang's cab at the bus-stop with ansar and sheena. everyone was still moving when ken gave the command. i think we need time to adjust? but they have no common sense to hurry up and stop wherever they were. i read hp and oop again. i think i can finish it tomorrow and start on hbp. woolala.
today's listening was basically shit. i am so scared i will get b3 again. not that i am bad with my language. my mouth had already failed me. now that my eyes had failed me. what's more?! the hammerings at my heart.
geena was the laughing cause today. she was talking on the phone, and ms kwa suddenly came in. i was sitting on the table, yiling half painting and half talking to us and jiahui sitting on a chair in the middle of the aisle. geena saw ms kwa, she said, 'i am sorry.' ms kwa replied, 'geena, you so slow still can talk ar?' we laughed until like fuu. another time, she said, 'i am very worried about them and does not know what will happen.' and suddenly, 'yiling, how to blend this colour ar?' can you sense the randomness in geena? me and yiling laughed so hard and when we realised ms kwa is back, we were like oops. we laughed so hard until we have no image at all. yiling was banging the table and i was laughing like nobody's business (ugly, i know).
after that, we the art gang went to have dinner again. all the interesting and funny crap. we talked more about our sec1 lives when geena mentioned about leiwin knowing mr yeo well (i think). all the disgusting things about we being in sec1. oh man.
tomorrow is english pre-prelim oral. shit. i am getting really scared for it.
15/07
Sunday, July 15, 2007 @ 8:28:00 PM
i slept at 2 yesterday, woke up at 4 today. no doubts. 4pm. cool right. i fell asleep upon reading harry potter. and the sentence i remembered seeing last was, "For Heaven's sake, act more like a dog, Sirius."
irritated when he came back. asking me questions i do not have the answer to,
endlessly. i replied, sounding irritated as well. he was fed up. i started to vacuum the floor and he kept mumbling things. when i switched off the vacuum cleaner, i asked him, he did not reply. disgusting cigarette smell filled the air
again. i used the hairdryer to dry my hair. he again asked me question. i turned off the hairdryer, asked him what. he got irritated then went out. speechless and refused to comment.
*i promise i will never ever touch cigarettes*
doing homework after this entry. i wanted to record two oral's reading aloud to post, but my throat was not feeling too good today. doing it tomorrow instead. 4 oral's conversation mindmaps, emaths 1.5 paper 2s and 1 amaths paper. way to go! mug for preliminary examinations!
listening tomorrow and english pre-prelim's oral tuesday.
@ 1:13:00 AM
i have not the courage to approach you;
it only happens in my dreams.
i have not the courage to see you eye-to-eye;
i only dared to look at you at a distance.
i have not the courage to talk to you;
even if i have rehearsed a dozen times.
i have not the courage to praise you openly;
i fear your cold treatment and ignorance.
when i knew we could almost watch a concert together, i felt so wretched. i regretted not asking you along with me.
when i remembered the times you were being lame, i felt so weird. could this happen again?
when i see you smile or laugh, i felt so wrong. what have i done to make you angry?
i do not know. i wish to know. you said you do not know. you know it is a lie.
you do not know, you do not wish to know, or both?
25/06-14/07
Tuesday, July 10, 2007 @ 11:15:00 PM
25/06/07: first day of school and i have already splashed paint on my blouse. not one drop, one patch or whatsoever. it is FOUR BIG patches. my mum was like, don't wear the blouse anymore. how to wear?" i agreed. haha. i would probably get scolded by at least 8 teachers for wearing that. P, VPs, FT, SCTs.
29/06/07: my 2nd attempt for MT O's oral. it was not good. i did not have enough time to prepare for my reading. geena and chiawei commented should have read louder as they do not know how to pronounce some words. my conversation was very superficial and short. argh. short, but not succinct.
30/06/07: YTFiesta. re
ported to school at 730 to do the goody bags for the VIPs. blah blah. extorted quite a few coupons from people,
ranging from students to staff. haha. i think i extorted a total of $60? haha. i had a fun time playing. meteoride rocks, but i only took it once. i regret it. some took 5 times. gosh! in the end i was left with $10. ms soh was so funny. she asked us, who will be interested in balloons which do not have helium, but carbon dioxide+oxygen in it? seeing that she is rather bored, i tried to lame by teaching her my balloon game. she said i was lame. in less than 5 minutes, i was hit by a balloon and the person holding it was ms soh. x= the fun time at the booth.
040707: investiture rehearsal. i did some emaths homework. blah. we knew how to walk and where to appear and when to disappear. it is basically not very well-planned? confusion is bound to happen on that day. we did not go through every single detail, which will not give us the feeling.060707: investiture. i did not cry. whatever i want to cry, i have already cried them out last year. everything was not done well. not everything, but ya. me and kevin took the oath on the red carpet. the rest, behind the audience, in front of the band. to think i asked kevin to go faster, maybe can reach there in time. well...
070707: LIVE EARTH! i was not very interested to watch the concert, but as my sister was watching, i watched it too. during the day, it was art! "zhuangyi, one more week to go!" a reminder for myself. i am beginning to love art, but the process is simply tiring and sometimes torturous. there are constant reminders from ms soh to finish my coursework, if not no parade2ic for me. oh ya, i forgot to mention, i am appointed parade2ic for 2007's national day celebration. hmm. till today, if i did not forget, there have already been 5? serious and joking manner, in private and in class. art art art!
090707-130707: lessons everyday. homework everyday. art everyday! although tiring, but at least i know what to do. you give me time, i give you rubbish, instead of standard. lol.
130707: friday the 13th. black friday. is it really black? it is not for me. i took ethel's dad's car to school. we ran into school, with a few people looking at us as if we were aliens. we bothered to run, coz we do not want to be late. we reached school at 725 sharp. i am reading the last few chapters of harry potter and the goblet of fire. i read that to remind myself of what will happen in order of the phoenix. i read, yes, because i want to catch up with the storyline. the thing is, i want to read half-blood prince and then deathly hallows. things are not so simple and easy as, "just catch the movie then you will know!" it helps in my english too.
lessons. i concentrated for emaths, until the last 15 minutes which i lost it. art 2 hours, lunch 1 hour then art 5 hours. i managed to clear 20% of my canvas. end of 13th, i am left with remaining 20%. i must complete everything by 14th july 2007, saturday.
140707: i woke up at 7 and took kianru's parents' car to school. felt so rejected inside npcc room then i went to the parade square to take a breather. i walked here and there, chit chatted with one and another. the art room was open and i started work. i kept my concentration to my canvas and my canvas only. i think i succeeded? i finished all the blank parts and only left with touch-ups here and there. yeah! finally. now, it is my 8 boards. cheong ar!
