29/05
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 9:56:00 PM
today must be my worst day.
i woke up
slightly later. i went to school and found my class pitch-dark. the lights were not switched on. i put down my bag and went for assembly. high ten and low ten with ansar. we went back to class to get our stuff. we went to art room then. ms kwa will not be in school for 2 days, as she is on course. we were not doing much. this is bad, we are not disciplined enough x=
i botched my drawing. i removed 35% of what was on my boards. well, they should long ago be removed. they are of sub-standard. ever since i started removing the drawings, my emo-ism sinked into me again.
emo-ing
i walked very slowly to class, sat at the staircase and stared at mdm chan during her lesson. if i continued being like this, my prelims will be as red. but the thing is, i do not know why i cannot throw the feeling of emo-ism after i have the weak feeling. aiya. i hate myself.
NE quiz. i thought the number of years will slowly increase without me knowing, so i anyhow build. argh. in the end, i only have 265K worth. i could have got MORE. i know, but. AIYA. i went off with ansar and melanie to mac for lunch then lavender.
my favourite,
ica buildingas usual, long queues. BAD EXPERIENCE with all the different media of confusing information. i was told, with the form, i can go on my own, without anyone. i was told, with the form, i can don't go with my parent, but a person above 16 (as i am not yet). i was told, with the form, i can don't go with my parent, but a person above 16, but in the end, my parent has to sign the documents there.
NVM. it is all over. i want to tell myself: *once my anger is vented, i must not bear any grudge*
painful day
Wednesday, May 23, 2007 @ 10:56:00 PM
i had a very powerful migraine attacking my left side of my head (till now). i had stitches at the right side. i had cramps both at my right and left middle-of-thighs-and-calves. my right knee acted up again.
just imagine the pain.
i have no more panadols left at home. only left with muscle and joint & cold relief. i do not think it can solve my headache. i think it is getting worse since i am smelling cigarettes' smoke behind me.
tml chinese mock exam. gambatte everyone. gambatte -! gambatte zhuangyi! A1!
you are why i did not stop jogging for the first part. you are why i managed to endure most of the pain and finished the run soon. you are also part of the pain i have been enduring for these 36 days, as of now.
reflection?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007 @ 10:52:00 PM
i have more than once embarrassed myself;
i have more than once disappointed them,
i have more than once made myself proud;
i have more than once made them proud.
what do i really want?
is what i am having what i want?
is what i am aiming what i want?
is what i am enjoying what i want?
what do i really want?
ms soh's pm: is personal glory the most important thing?
i thought over it. i feel that i am aiming for personal glory. but what is there on earth other than that? thus i asked a handful of people, some said there isn't and howleong and mariah said friendship, kinship, happiness, morals, values and etc are more important than personal glory. well, i thought it was not in the same category. alright.
i feel that almost all this while i am after personal glory, maybe due to my attention-seeking characteristic. i admit, i like to be in the limelight; i like to be given attention. i do things trying to attract attention. i cannot sit down in a noisy room quietly, unless i am in a foul mood. i will go around asking people things, walking around chit-chatting. what i can say, it is difficult to change. but i know there is the gauge for my friends to know if i can be talked to or not. humaira, jiajun and masdiyanah should know it best.
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i have embarrassed myself with my public speaking skills on 2005's chinese new year concert, with my announcements, by talking loudly outside a classroom with my ex-teacher inside and more, definitely.
i have disappointed them by forgetting important things and lessons that are taught to me. i can repeat the same mistakes time and time again. sometimes, i really do not learn from them. i hate myself for disappointing those who have high hopes on me. i really hate it. i really hate myself.
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what is a passing remark to you, is a merciless stab in my heart. it is still bothering me and it hurts. your passing remarks at times rub salt onto my wounds, stabbing them and applying salt on them repeatedly. it is not really that i want to show off my rank. it is that i have almost nothing much to my name. i am neither capable nor academically inclined. such things mean very much to me, which includes you.
survey?
@ 2:13:00 PM
1. Start Time: 2:13 pm2. Name: zhuangyi3. Nickname: pang aka mary aka marypang aka bloodymary4. Astrology sign: libra5. Gender: female6. Hair color: brown and black, i guess?7. Eye color: black?8. Height: 166cm9. Favorite Most color: blue10. Glasses: nah11. Tattoos: i wish to, but... XD12. Birthplace: singapura13. Area code: yishun?14. TRUE friends: maybe?*HAVE YOU EVER*15. Cut your own hair?: duh16. Done something in the past regret?: duh17. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to?: not sure18. Skipped school?: nah19. Bungee jumped?: soon?20. Punched someone?: think so21. Cheated on someone?: nah22. Been arrested?: for?23. Broken into someones house?: in my dreams24. Been to a funeral?: yes25. Used a lighter?: i used flint stones*FAVORITE*26. Season: each has its beauty?27. Ice cream flavor: peppermint with chocolate28. School subject(s): chinese?29. Candy: any?30. Breakfast: bk's and mac's31. Juice: coconut. lol. lime la32. Book(s): danielle steel, nora roberts33. Movie(s): harry potter? haha. random34. Song(s): too many35. Letter(s): paper 1 part 236. Favorite fast food restaurant: mos37. Disney Princess: which are included?38. TV station: tcs (as said by...)39. Name for a son: haven't thought of it?40. Name for a daughter: haven't thought of it?*DO YOU PREFER*41. Chocolate or Vanilla?: CHOCOLATE! :D42. Alcoholic or not?: anything43. Scary movies or comedies?: both =D44. Short or long hair?: long, hair "pattern" not suitable for short45. Croutons or bacon bits?: bacon =D*FIRST THING THAT COME TO MIND*46. Mexicans in general: huh?47. School: ytss48. Grass: grass49. Cow: milk50. Canada: nah51. Mouse: mickey52. Hands: cutting wrist?*THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU*53. Watched a movie?: nah54. Talked on the phone?: duh55. Cried?: soon56. Choked?: not yet57. Drank a glass of water?: bottle and cup instead of glass58. Done Drugs?: no way59. Read a book or magazine?: book60. Watched TV?: duh61. Looked in the mirror?: am i supposed to go out looking like a ghost?62. Taken a shower?: DUH, i am in singapore, summer all year round63. Taken a picture?: nah64. Listened to music?: can die without music65. Kissed someone?: my pillow?66. Told someone you liked them: thinking of, but deciding not to67. End time: 2.23pmthere u go! :Dlazy to ask. lol!
dreadful
Monday, May 14, 2007 @ 10:24:00 PM
chinese b3 65, hit my target.
emaths c5 57, almost hit my target of b4.
the rest are just so dreadful.
so dead.
taiwan expedition trainings
Saturday, May 12, 2007 @ 12:28:00 AM
APEX! this entry post is about the long brief; yet not very, recap of ALL our expedition trainings, ever since from the first which is on 27 April 2007. people, sit back and relax while you read this entry. prepare some food as it will be a full coverage of the EXCITING memories and moments we cursed and sweared in our hearts (if any), of course, from my perspective. the trainings are mainly to inculcate TEAM SPIRIT, TOLERANCE and ENDURANCE among us.Group Altitude: Mr Nirav Mrs Puah kongjiak zhuangyi fazlin rachel ameerah priscilla gerard chonmun jeremy gabriel samuelGroup Persevering: Mr Low Ms Kong szejin june michelle jiahui lengchee kaixiong kelvin thava boonjie walter xianglongGroup EXpedition: Mr Soh Ms Juny ryan nishaa masdiyanah yvonne cheryl wenjie billy zahiruddin raymond jia hui chenghui roland27.04.07: staircase training with 10kg load
i did not go as i have to go to npcc home team academy. but it was not easy (of course)!
30.04.07: running outside school, distance=mystery
we were supposed to run for 10km, but due to factors, we ran for a mysterious distance. we set off with group X in front, followed by group P then group A (my group!). the distance between our group, the distance between 35 of us (excluding the teachers) and the distance between the best and the others was undesirable. what i can say is, the behind ones tried to catch up, but the front did not wait.
the ugly stuff behind. all of us scolded each other (isn't that part of the ugly side?), we pushed and supported (beautiful-er side now right?) each other. we have to do push-ups and sit-ups in the beginning when our distance gets wider. after that, no more. we finally finished the run. phew! although the gap between us during the run was big, but the psychological distance between us, in a way or another, bridged.
after the run, people were switched to different groups. some switches were unexplained. lol. i was talking to rachel when i heard mr nirav said my name. i was like, "huh? anything the matter?" after half a minute, i realised i am the oic. i am slow. roland was appointed 2ic. well, i might be his 2ic for ndp, so we are quits? mr low joked that i actually asked him i could be the oic during the run. but how can i ask him when he is so far in front and i was so tired?
*best runner appointed by us*
04.05.07: briefing then bench-lifting with pair
we went to the ava room 1 for the briefing. we were given the tentative pack list and were shown photos mr nirav and mr soh took during the trip to taiwan. all the wahwahwah photos and all the things to take note. we have no pen, so i think no one remembered?
my pair was masdiyanah (she has so many names, lazy to list all out; this is the original). it is not fun. lol. we did 20 counts of 8 of lifting upwards and half-squats, for a total of 5 sets. it totaled up to 100 counts of lifting upwards and 100 half-squats.
after that, some or all of the boys tried solo lifting. i do not know how much, but i know me and masdiyanah were the last pair. we slacked too much or the people cheated too much? ~question mark~
11.05.07: exciting moments with 3-5kg medicine ball
we were slow AND late thus all others waited in pumping positions while roland and i sort out the attendance. we were given 5 minutes to set up the tables and get the medicine balls. gerard took the 5kg medicine ball. woolala. we have to step up to the table and step down (cannot jump up or down). we have to squat and walk under the table (try not to roll or crawl). these two actions must be done without the ball leaving our hands, touching the floor and our hands cannot touch the floor.
after all the table moments, it is the raising. ball in our hands, 45deg, 90deg, 135ged then 180deg. argh. i was glad when we kept the balls and tables.
14.05.07: hockey
A and P started first with X playing human snake (walking in a snake-like manner at the staircase in front of integrity block). the loser team will have to swap with the team playing snake. my group kept cursing at the lagging team to lose and the leading team to score, so we can stop the snake game. we had a lot of water breaks and rest times until the teachers came out of the room. q= i was whacked hard at my shin and my finger (skin was ripped off and bled).
16.05.07: situational run
we started out in the field, taking attendance. after which, we set off for our run, which was said to be long, slow run. uh. the sequence was, Group X, P then A. Mr Low asked me to run in front with him. he was leading the run. we were punished to do push-ups coz the people behind cannot catch up. we were to respect the floor, so we did upland push-ups. meaning we were on a slope, our heads at the lower end, legs higher ends. get it? Mr Low asked me how many i want to give, so i said 10 (5 seems little, 20 seems MUCH). OIC does double of what the others do. i did 20.every now and then, he asked me questions like, how many wear spectacles, how many wear braces and lastly how many pass maths, IN EACH GROUP. i physically counted how many wear spectacles. i was told Group ICs are not for show. i asked ICs to assist me for how many wear braces. i was told my reply was slow. for the last question, my group told me all passed, adding "anyhow say la, he won't know" at the back. "tell me what exactly is the number" after that, i saw the teachers catching up at the back. woolala. my group was caught.
Mr Nirav said, since all 30 of our maths passed, we shall do 30 sit-ups. you might think 30 sit-ups are easy, yeah. but the thing is, we were to respect the floor (remember?), so we did upland sit-ups. OIC does double of what the others do (remember). i did 60. woolala. it was testing my limits. all my life i have been doing normal flat land sit-ups. i suffered from stomach muscle ache for at least 3 days after that.
after that, two volunteers were needed and the thing is, they have to be injured in a way or another. the teachers' intention was to make us get used to any injury during the mountain climb. my group had headache by rachel and backbone injury by priscilla. my group has 2 medics, putting us at advantage over other groups, but now, it is the same. we also had crazy, unconscious and dead people. it is basically, sickening. at the last part of the journey, we had to piggyback our partner back to school. argh. i was glad it was all over.
19.05.07: memorable 16 hours =D
i did not go for the bukit timah trek as i have to go for SPF badge presentation. but it was not easy (of course)! i went to mr soh's mother-in-law's house for lunch (popiah and green tea) while waiting for the rest of the expedition group to arrive. we had a bag check (i regretted having already packed my bag at mr soh's mother-in-law's house). we then walked to mt faber. woah sian. the incline was breath-taking, although i started the hike with about 90% of energy? bag heavy, high gradient, weather hot. almost half were dead for the bus journey to changi.
we dined at changi village. most of us ate at cheers. initially we were happy to know there is a lightning report, so the walk might be cancelled. in the end, it was not. a lot of us thought the teachers extended our dinner break by half a hour because they wanted to drag the time to check the report. we walked along the route surrounding changi airport. although it was a walk, the front person was fast, causing the people at the back to run to catch up. we were scared by a -ya- when he was standing at the side of the path, even if he was wearing white. we walked back to the area near the coffeeshop. i had adrenaline rush, so i was rather hyper. we went home in fazlin's dad bus (not excursion type, but tour agency's luxurious type). woo~
23.05.07: sembawang park run
we jogged to sembawang park then come back. sports day was already torturous for me, let alone school to sembawang park then sembawang park to school. aiyo. i had migraines attacking my left side of my head. i had stitches at the right side. i had cramps both at my right and left middle-of-thighs-and-calves. my right knee acted up again.just imagine the pain.
25.05.07: expedition briefing by agency
parents came with their child. my parents did not. why must ytss buy so much food when there is a briefing or ptr session? only when parents are in school, of course. must leave a good impression that their child/children are not tortured in ytss. ya. they did not show a repetition of the photos. but those by the tour agency were much more presentable. they did not show the parents the toilets and the place we are sleeping. well, who will? parents will withdraw their child from the expedition immediately for the generation after us, i guess. too spoilt.
30.05.07: soccer
i did not go as i have to go to Singapore Poly for a visit.01.06.07: checking of backpacks
we were dragged because people turned up late. come on man. hurry up. it is ROD night ok. we throw everything out of our backpacks, had a short briefing and we can go home after putting them in the pe store. some idiot left the backpack outside unattended. wonderful. it is a boy's as i have not seen any girl carrying it before. good luck to that person.
art
Thursday, May 10, 2007 @ 2:40:00 PM
i had my last paper today- ART. i did my preparatory work till the wee hours. i went to sleep because i fear of getting scolded q=
ms kwa came walking around to check our preparatory work, one by one. usually i will get pass, but this time, i did not. i have 3 pages' worth of preparatory work, intending to do one or two more pages. i did not paste my A4-sized resources on the A3 paper, thus 1 A4=1A3 worth and she took my paper away. it is not that i do not have paper, but that caused her to have an impression that my preparatory work are A4 sized, want to paste, also cannot.
sian.i do not know why, my hands always shake during art exam. i cannot draw properly. my hand will shake then i have to erase what i have drawn. i hope my hands will by all means shake, but definitely not when i am officially drawing and painting on the canvas or during the O levels' art paper 2.
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if not for my responsibilities, i would have behaved more rowdily. i only switch on my music to a half-blasting volume. lol. i took 859 back to yishun to have lunch at long john's silver. hmm. loges, as usual, crapping and making people laugh, with his random topics. mas, ansar, loges and me went to lunch at ljs. again, loges made us laugh with his "afifah makes paos". the laughing made our stomaches, mouths and generally, our muscles ache. "everything has a limit lor. if you are tired to the extreme, you will collaspe. but when you are laughin, there is no limit. you will not explode right." i said this, and we laughed even more.
circle, spit. circle, vomit. circle, burn. circle, throw. tick. cross.
all that.
i did not feel better because of the laughings.___________________________________________________________________
男：是你在那个雨季 走进我生命 带着一点任性 和温柔的表情
女：是你在那个雨季 赶走了孤寂 温暖的笑容 换我仅有的甜蜜
男：天上一万颗星星 我却只看见你 你说这是幸运 还是不可思议
女：身边有太多风景 我却停在这里 说我傻的可以 还不是因为你
男：是你的声音
女：带给我勇气
男：恋爱的频率
女：直到我心底
男：如果你愿意
女：是的我愿意
合：带着我幸福的主旋律
男：从前的实际
女：现在我相信
男：天空会放晴
女：爱会更甜蜜
男：如果你愿意
女：是的我愿意
合：爱的主旋律永远唱下去i am a little crazy over this song now. i even dreamt of getting this song online. somemore 2, i do not know why. i think i understand the dream now. the one pexin sent me, was is AAC format, which is foreign to my mum's phone (i used her phone and EAR PIECE to listen to songs). in the end, i got what i have now, from multiply. half deja vu? i have complete deja vu so often that i am lazy to think when this or that incident happen before. LOL. however, i do not agree with one part. it should be 亿万, rather than 一万, isn't it? 一万 is 10,000, which is so little. lol.
i want a nokia ear piece! if not, if i put this song on repeat mode, people will think i am crazy, keep playing the same song, to the public somemore.
mye craze
Wednesday, May 9, 2007 @ 6:37:00 PM
mye. i am only confident for my mother tongue. if i do not score well for that, i am ready to be in the 30s again. but this time, first from the bottom.
sometimes i will go home with chuanjing and dina, if not study with ansar at causeway point. even with all those studying, i do not think i can score. well, it is last-minute studying, but at least i made myself remember and understand. people only care about results. like
who cares about the process?___________________________________________________________________tml art. paper 2. drawing. colouring. after that dying. friday is the day when we get back the results we can. for me, it is doomsday.
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many things happened. more of unhappiness. whatever. i am very emotional these few days. maybe in days, weeks or even months to come.
if me being sick can earn me your concern, i would choose to be sick, even forever.
stuff on personality profile
@ 6:11:00 PM
i reached home, switched on laptop and started to clear mails and stuff. i checked my mail and saw the constant email astrology.com always send me. here are some stuff about
Librans. i think it is quite true. btw, i am a
libran.
http://astrology.gurl.com/this is about my personality profile:
Libra is the seventh Sign of the Zodiac, and it is at this point in the Zodiac that we start to see a shift. While the first six Signs of the Zodiac focus on the individual, the last six focus on the individual's contact with others and with the world. Librans are first and foremost focused on others and how they relate to them. We can call this the Sign of partnership with a capital 'P' because these folks do not want to be alone! For a Libran, everything is better if it's done as a pair.
Librans are good when paired up, too, since they epitomize balance, harmony and a sense of fair play. Librans feel most complete when they part of a romantic couple.
It's the Scales that symbolize Libra, and just like that balancing mechanism wants to stay even, Librans want to be on an even keel. Think of the Scales of Justice and how they work at striking the right balance. Likewise, Librans are objective, just and want to do what's best for everyone. It's possible, though, that this penchant for fairness is for a different reason:
Librans abhor conflict. The Scales study every possible angle in the hopes of achieving peace and harmony, so much so that others may see them as fickle and indecisive. If that's what it takes to avoid a confrontation, that's fine with the Scales. The Libra-born are keen strategists, organizing groups with poise and getting the job done (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this Sign). Further,
you can expect the Scales to be companionable, sociable folks.
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this is about friendship personality profile:
You'll be doing a lot of looking at your watch and tapping your foot impatiently if you befriend a Libra. It's not that the Scales enjoy being late, it's just that they take their time to decide anything in enough time to make it anywhere. They may make you wait, but Libra is a great friend to have. They can charm the socks off even the stodgiest of people, and, as their friend, you'll never be able to stay mad at them for very long.
Libra hates being alone, so expect your friend to be a bit
demanding of your time and attention. They'll make up for it, though. Libra will be able to talk their way into the swankiest restaurants and hottest clubs. If you ever need anything, they know exactly who to call, and the person on the other end will feel honored to help them out. Even if they do need to stand in front of their closet for hours,
whatever they wear will be in perfect taste, and you can count on them to help you look just as chic. Don't worry if your Libra buddy seems a little down at times. They'll leap out of that soon enough, ready to take on another fun adventure.
Best Friend Bets: Leo, Sagittarius.
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this is about my rebellion sign:
Libra is the Sign of Partnership. When Uranus moves into this Sign, there are going to be some changes in the way people interact, especially with regards to love relationships. Your generation has probably taken a good look at the divorce rate of their parent's generation and decided that something needed to change. You might find yourself marrying early in life, or late in life, or not marrying at all.
Inconsistent experiences could make you skittish about relationships and indecisive about your sexuality in general (?). If you want to settle down, look for a relationship that will offer you plenty of freedom to be yourself and try new things. It is possible that your partnerships will never be typical, but they will occur on your own terms.
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this is about my birthday sign or something:
Libra lives for harmony, partnership, admiration -- and popularity! Birthdays provide the perfect excuse to flatter Libras silly. Indulge their egos to the hilt with a blowout party overflowing with friends and gifts -- but make it tasteful. Aesthetics matter to this Air Sign, so any hint of tackiness or disarray will really put a Libra off. Perfect Gift: Libras like to feel like they live a refined, sophisticated life, so
season tickets to the symphony or the ballet (?) fulfills their yen for culture. What does a Libra wish for as the candles are blown out? To find the perfect romantic relationship.
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this is about the reason for insomnia, i think:
Libra can't quite decide what to wear tomorrow.
what if the next day is school? other than school uniform, then?!___________________________________________________________________
01-03/05
Thursday, May 3, 2007 @ 8:42:00 PM
labour day: happy birthday to vernicia. now belated liao. lol. hmm. i was supposed to go out and study with peixin and the rest. again, i overslept. aiya, i can already go and die. everyday wake up late. one day i will be late, be paraded in front of the whole school and die of embarrassment.
tml chemistry. i doubt i can make it.
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ss paper. hmm. quite badly done. i banged on the wrong chapter. i think mr teo will bang my head against the wall qx and once again, i will die. after paper, i went to the 'staffroom area' and listened to ms chin explain the translation, transformation, shear and stretch. almost all chapters from sec1 - 4 are tested. how to finish studying? anyway, i was supposed to start early.
after that, ansar and i went to woodlands bk to study for physics. i made myself a sciences notebook. it contains all the important notes. we sat in bk for about 6 hours? and i finished 8 chapters during the timeframe. i went home and continued, finishing 2 more. i am now stuck at lenses.
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today: some topics are tested; some are not. i have already screwed up10marks, before i hear people discussing about answers. hmm. maybe 15-20 marks now? omg. we went to mac for breakfast? brunch? i had sausage mcmuffin with egg,
harsh brown and milo. me and aaron went back to npcc room and crapped for one hour= wasted one hour. npcc room is never a conducive environment for studying. i went for mr teo's map reading session and went home. i just had kfc for dinner. i am so angry with the person but i should have checked before i left.
what i ordered was: meltz buddy meal, which consisted of, one meltz, 2 piece chicken, 2 coleslaws, 2 potato whips and 2 pepsi. i wanted a change of coleslaw to cheese fries. there will be a additional charge of $1.15 ok. i paid $11.10 in the end, i got what is worth $9.95 i did not get my cheese fries. $1.15 can do many things ok. and it was not even crowded, thus i do not think the man will get confused or what. it is not the first time having such an experience with kfc. just have to check if you got what you ordered. argh.
studying geography now. i am banging on more chapters. now 3. lol. i hope what i studied will come out (everyone's mentality). mug hard people. my main aim is
PRELIMINARY EXAMINATIONS.