30/04
Monday, April 30, 2007 @ 10:30:00 PM
last day of APRIL.
i woke up very very late and of course. i have to take a taxi. sian. waste my money. i did not study much for chemistry. i was supposed to wake at 445, but i woke up at 645. AIYA.
yan zhen said the pledge and kevin said he will come down after putting his bag. he did not turn up in the end. i went back to class, with a terrible shock to see people passing physics notes and textbooks to each other.
"they could not be so kiasu right? they would rather focus on studying chemistry which is in less than 30minutes' time than physics paper on thursday, isn't it?"FREAK! i was wrong. paper 1 consists of 20 physics and 20 chemistry mcq. everything turned out as expected. f9? aiya. it is already over.
IRON(III) CHLORIDE? IRON SULPHATE? whatever.
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taiwan fieldtrip training =D
i was told by cheryl we will be running 10 km. hmm. woah. in the end, we only ran around 6 km, i think. but still, it is tiring. i have not ran for like since shearsbridge or milk run, except 2.4. can die ar. muscle aching slightly, but not to the extent of cramps (=
i am looking forward for the next training. i think i can slim down by don't know how many kg, if i do not continue with my current eating habits.
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i am Station Inspector. i was appointed the oic for the fieldtrip. i am getting the best unit cadet. i am getting spf. do you know that? i doubt so. you never bothered to find out things about me. are you proud of me? i doubt so. i think we are not even friends. when will you every forgive me? mye is out. esquare camp? art camp? class chalet? prelims? my birthday? graduation day? o levels? your birthday? release of o levels results? taking of o levels cert? i hope it is soon, real soon. i miss you so. i miss the fun we had. i miss the times i look at your multiple expressions when you are talking to me. now, i do not even dare to look at you, talk to you, fearing i might make you angry again, knowing my insensitive character.
26/04
Saturday, April 28, 2007 @ 8:20:00 PM
i forgot to put this earlier. this is my arm. and apparently, it has a bruise on it. one dumb idiot did this to me while i was doing my emaths paper for revision. thanks ar x=
27/04
@ 6:52:00 PM
chinese paper!
i did not study anything. how to? you cannot
study chinese; you can only
practise and
memorise the format. you can study chinese, unless it is reading test or you know what exactly is going to be tested. practising: by writing compositions, letters and reading more to increase knowledge and to understand how sentence structures go.
paper 1 was tricky. as in you might get mi or bi if there is. i chose to write the letter about discussing about why more and more people are scolding people on blogs x= i think i contradict myself for the letter. lol. one major point is that i said they are breaking law by twisting the truth or publicise your personal feelings. they will be charged if they know or might not know if they are breaking the law and whether or not they did mentioned the person's or people's names. i did right? lol.
i can write until handphones. it is like this: i wrote about why they will choose blogging. coz they are bored, attention-seeking (like me), somehow or rather they cannot express their thoughts freely and blogging is their little paradise to do it. suddenly i linked to parents not free to communicate with them, then they lack the attention thus they chose blogging. suddenly can relate to teenagers using handphones and computers and stuff.
OMG?
i chose to write question 4 for composition. i forgot the topic. but i also relate many things to get a totally different ending.
aiya.
paper 2 was easy, i think. but when i hear so many people said that was difficult, i shut myself up. it is like, people say it was difficult and in front of them you said it was easy, what are you trying to prove?
i did passage A before. the level test we did, i have done it before.
me, peixin, vernicia, sophia, catherine, jamie and fasihah were busy discussing about the answers. lol. after that i went down to npcc room, before realising i left my uniform in the classroom. thus i went back. blah blah blah. we set off to hta.
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upon reaching, we lost our way. they did not put up direction signs or even tell us which level it is. after finding it, we saw everyone adjusting their badges. we wondered why before realising those high-ranked people told us to change to the new directive.
why can't they send us the directive and told us to change before reaching everest room? and supposedly 158 people in a room smaller than a classroom.
wonderful planning. they asked us to change then if have not finished, just sit down. another person will go around scolding people for having the wrong arrangement. hello, it was her who asked us to stop then you scolded the others for having the wrong arrangement.
STUPID. the worst is. we are supposed to wait for photo-taking. i am alright with that. the thing is,
all of us are supposed to wait for a photographer.
158 people for one camera. just imagine the waiting
AND the adjusting of uniforms.
what a respected man. we are supposed to ask our OC, TO, HO or CI to find you if they go against what you say. well, OK THEN. anyway, i did not talk to you. if you accidentally eavesdrop on us, i do not mind. i do accidentally eavesdrop on others too. BUT can you not give any comment of yours? me to jeremy and roland: how ar? the markshot we sent, has the wrong arrangement of the badges. RESPECTED MAN: ya lor. how ar? me to RESPECTED MAN: retake la (with a frown on my face and in a very attitude manner). he was deaf. RESPECTED MAN: so how? retake ar? me to RESPECTED MAN: what else? retake la.
so what if you are the head of your department? we are not. even if we are, no one told us. OK? btw, we know it is a prestigious badge. you do not have to repeat, and repeat so many times. 3 times.
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after taking the markshot, we were told to read a passage on the laptop. i heard they were choosing an
emcee for the event.
i was chosen. at last i did not disappoint ms soh cheng peng, ms susan soh, public speaking course teacher, ms goh siew lian, myself and my public speaking skills. in the end, i refused the offer. come on man. it was already
1830 when everyone has taken the markshots. i told the high-ranked people i have to go. thus i left [=
i was chosen, but i chose to leave. you may say i dare not take up challenges. so be it. i am not so free to go to hta so often to do speech training.
23/04
Thursday, April 26, 2007 @ 9:51:00 PM
the spark for mid-year examinations!
today is the practicals. i think the practical is relatively easy, but the thing is, my results for physics are weird. instructions were for use to reverse the lead and take the readings again. almost everyone i asked, told me to add a negative sign in front of the readings will do. well, mine is not the case.
chemistry is much more easier than the practices we usually have. of course. lol. i think we will score better than our practices. lol. at least everyone knew what to do. maybe except the part from distinguishing zinc, calcium and aluminum?
yeah. we have to work hard for MYE kays?!
everyone, let's show the teachers what we are capable of!
21/04
Sunday, April 22, 2007 @ 11:57:00 PM
National Police Cadet Corps Day Annual Parade 2007 cum YTWO's sec4s' Last Performance & stepping down
i went for art tutorial at 0830-1145. i tried painting and i think it is terribly horrible. i knew that the avoidables in art are drawing&of course colouring human beings and erm. i forgot.
i changed into my full-u in <2 minutes, of course asking jiajun to take my handphone and uniform (but he said he does not know which is mine) from npcc room, aaron to wash my painting equipments&telling rachel to wait for me and cheryl to write my name on the boards. i rushed off to the foyer and waited like 15-20 minutes before the buses actually set off.
i was told by rachel that we have to go to the auditorium. i thought it was the harmony hall, until i walked off and saw a paper which wrote AUDITORIUM. okay. i have found it. ytwo marched to the outside while i go to the grand stand and asked about the keys. lalala. finished everything. rested in the auditorium before setting off to the grand stand again.
those are called fine frills, not like funeral frills. went off with mrs ong then marched all the way back to the grand stage. "hey you. march to the back, the parade is starting." i think that was the first time i showed a person, of higher rank than me, attitude. can you be more polite? in the end you still asked me to help all of you to take photos. if camy did not ask me there, was not there, i will not care a hoot about you.
i discovered mr chew is actually a nice person. sometimes. i believe a person who is in the arts, will have weird attitude. aiya. nvm.
i took many photos with YTWO and GOH throughout the NPCC Day Annual Parade. blah blah blah. it has always been a fun and wonderful experience with YTWO. funny dinesh, rj, RACHEL and others. lol. and of course the part dinesh and rj getting walter involved in the "dance", rachel disturbing chuan jing and all of us teasing rj and samantha. lol.
20/04
@ 10:52:00 PM
last unit training before cca stand down for mye.
my chance to pump the whole unit of juniors was snatched by rahimi and jiahui. i should not have told them about the messy boundary. it gave them the chance to pump them. KNS. another chance deprived. aiya.
i went off to the band's side to teach them how to wear number one. i think aaron went off in the middle of everything without telling me/ told me but i did not notice it. suddenly, masdiyanah appeared. lol. i think so. i was too busy helping people till i did not notice anything. but at least, someone called me zhuangyi mam from ytwo, first time wor! so happy. lol.
after that, i went down for pt. before that, i have already gone down, realising i left my uniforms with ytwo :s i strolled here and there, before stopping outside council room. i had the wild thought of going out of school to buy drinks for the juniors, like what the seniors did before. i discussed my ideas with some ncos then asked roland. aaron and i went out, with szejin and shuhadah joining us later. we bought 15 bottles for sec1s and 3s.
the ones i discussed about this matter, agreed on one conclusion. sec2s do not have really good ncos who are mainly in charge. i really felt sad, really sad, when cheryl, a sec3 nco, who do not bear to leave the sec2s, came over to me and offered to buy a bottle of drinks from me to give the sec2s. it was really saddening. i can really feel the wreck in my heart. although i feel that 8 (supposedly 9) bottles of drinks are not really enough for 43 people, i still passed one bottle to cheryl. she came back to me, with her long face, and she told me that the ncos mainly in charge, refused the idea. i really do not know how to say, how to react, how to console her or whatever.
it was the last time i will be talking to them. i was encouraged to say positive stuff, anyway, i cannot possibly change them with just a speech or anything.
18/04
Wednesday, April 18, 2007 @ 11:33:00 PM
last hta training before the actual National Police Cadet Corps Annual Parade 2007.
i excused myself from lesson with the rest. blah blah blah. many unhappiness things happened. i am lazy to list everything out. lol. in the end, roland and i went, with many ironies. whatever.
i was so happy i can go. yeah. throughout all these, i felt more attached to
YTWO. they just have the
special attraction.
i kept having no time for the briefing and stuff. aiya. everytime need to go to hta when buses come and go home asap. i hope someday, hopefully someday i can have the briefing.
i went there and helped them to wipe their spectacles. lol. they are unable to wipe their spectacles with number 3 uniforms. the material is polyester. half cloth, half plastic.
ansar, michelle, ruzzie, rachel, me and some others were listening to their superman jokes. wah. can die tahan-ing the urge to kill them. ansar was like, " pang, they are there leh. go and disturb leh." might as well push one tuba case down then everything will be settled =D
chuanjing cannot finish her burger, thus i finished it for her since the rest need more food. never did i thought the burger will have so much chili sauce. (i am not chili-friendly btw.)
the pds improved tremendously. initially they were applauded for courage, now partly courage and partly nice. the baton fancy drill and dance were rather boring.
i will be meeting them on friday and saturday. YTWO, you can do it! i am going to wear my number 1 there and take 10,001 photos =D
of course with - too (:
confused
Tuesday, April 17, 2007 @ 9:45:00 PM
my emotional & psychological state is now in a big mess!
i seemed to be unable to control my emotions like how i used to. therefore, i flare up much more than usual. as a result, my friends and people around me suffer.
i seemed to lose control over my emotions. i do not know what exactly is happening to me. if you are a regular visitor to my blog, you could actually see many "i do not know"s.
i realise some new characteristics of mine these few days. either i was already self-centered and paranoid from the beginning or i have only became self-centered and paranoid recently.
i begin to care more about my feelings and not others'. (but i only know how and what i feel, i do not know others'. you cannot blame me for that) *snaps* i have to constantly hit or use a rubber band to snap at my hands to shut my automatic negative thoughts up.
i am constantly thinking of - to concentrate and study. (why must i meet this kind of situation when it is nearing my O's?)
argh.i cannot go for the parade. i cannot take pictures with -. i cannot go home with -. that will be the first and last time - will be wearing number 1. and i cannot go for the thing. i will never use photoshop to cut and paste pictures. never. anyway, i will be wearing number 3 to HTA. is there a way to actually have a picture taken with both of us wearing number 1? think, ms pang.if i want to go, i need to produce mc for the thing i have on. ARGH. so coincidental. aiya. THINK.
16/04
Monday, April 16, 2007 @ 8:16:00 PM
monday blues.
actually, i do not actually know what it means. lol. is it because it is the first day of the week, the start of work and school, thus it is called monday blues? i do not know. someone enlighten me. thanks.
english: grammar test and compo&tenses discussion.
combined humanities: changed to ss suddenly. touched on the structure of seq. humaira wonderfully called me out to assist her and masdiyanah sat at my seat laughing at us. what the.
recess: we had the meeting and i guess we did not list out the objectives, we kept drifting away from the objectives. we used the wrong term and ya.
physics: 9 people punished for not doing the physics last year's mye paper.
assembly: 5n1's presentation, talk about saturday's extra upcoming "hot stuffs", attire problem and time line (again).
homeroom: class tee's design, inspirational messages (from self and/or others)
chinese: mdm ho flared up due to the lousy standard of our formal letter. and i am one of them. i thought it was to be handed in last tuesday's 5pm. thus i cao shuai de finished it and handed it in. i scored the lowest, i guess. mdm ho believed that i should not have such marks, thus she gave me one more than others. that makes 3 formal letters, 1 compo and 1 compre for today's homework. actually not a lot. adding my physics and chemistry papers, still not a lot. what i am proud is, i have already finished my amaths commonwealth and emaths papers =D which means i have 3 formal letters, 1 compo, 1 compre, sciences papers and amaths amk paper. WAH.
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i guess she is right. how can a biased person be a good leader? i must reflect upon my actions. will i be doing more good than harm to them. think, ms pang.oh yes. i would like to know who actually reads my blog entries. i do not mind people reading without tagging or whatever. i really do not mind. but please state your name when you tag or comment. i would kindly appreciate the little kind action.
btw, replying to- Anonymous, i am really practising hard now. i really hope i can see the results soon. i hope you will tell me who you are, although it is good advice you are giving here.
bad thing is, if i want to see the results soon, meaning mye will reach earlier. i hope time will not pass by so fast (like no difference) and mye will never come. lol (fat hope).
back to my mountainous homework. i will be back =D
15/04
Sunday, April 15, 2007 @ 10:04:00 PM
sunday. i woke up at 930, wanting to watch doraemon. but the moment my alarm went off, my mum sees that i am awake, she fed me medicine. i watched the clock drowsily (partly half awake from my sleep and effects of the medicine), i fell back asleep. aiya. my doraemon.
woke up at 1245 to have lunch. it was hot and stuffy, thus i went back to my bedroom. i sat on my bed, enjoying the 'breeze' from my fan. to my extreme shock, i fell asleep. omg. ain't i a pig or what. fell asleep after my lunch. it was only 1 hour after i woke up at 1245.
i switched on laptop to blog as i was feeling very frustrated. due to the physiological elements, i have missed my best timing of the day. in the morning. aiya. nvm. i saw the email sent by catherine. went to do the test and i am the grass fragrance type. i re-did the test 3 times and al led to the grass fragrance type =x
"you have very strong will, not dependent on others and gives an impression of being a lone-ranger. you are extremely curious and sensual, living a clear-headed, modern life. at first glance you place yourself at a pedestal, and are difficult to get along. but once others talk to you, they know you are easygoing. and when the relationship develops, they realise you are affable. you have an androgynous charm, which makes you popular with all genders. but you don't like your weak side to be seen. you might look cool on the surface, but beneath it all, you are really passionate. only people who know your true self can maintain a long-lasting relationship with you."
i know this described me aptly in the past, but whether it still describes me aptly now, i am not sure. i have changed. maybe i am just paranoid about the change? i don't know.
14/04
@ 9:47:00 PM
first time i came for unit training after attending trainings at HTA. my concentration cannot be unified and use it on one thing. i went over to YTWO and see how they wore number 3s. it was alright, except for some minor mistakes here and there.
we taught sec1s how to wear number 3 and taught them how to receive their ranks or badges for muster parade. i do not know if they understood me or not. i finally understood how ms chin felt when no one responded to her. the similarity is, we do not know if they understood us, as they have no reaction. when i tested them, the general impression i have was, they do not understand a thing i taught. maybe they are not auditory learners, they are tactile/kinesthetic learners?
i was very disappointed with the sec4s. they do not even turn up. come on. they are already sec4s. sometimes when i want to scold the juniors for their mistakes, i will always be reminded. "i cannot scold them for this, the sec4s themselves are doing it. i cannot scold them for this either, the sec4s are not following instructions. i cannot scold the juniors for that too, the sec4s are not coming down for trainings/meetings (it applies to both sides).
i am expecting myself to be unable to control my emotions soon. even before the sudden brought-forward standing-down.
i am gonna break down soon.
12/04 &13/04
@ 9:04:00 PM
went through the resiliency course. i didn't concentrate much until the last module, test anxiety.
i learned about the ANTS and learned the counters. i think i am giving in to the ANTS. it seemed like something is holding me back to counter the thoughts. maybe it is the indifferent attitude my friends are showing me, therefore i am holding the counter tactics back.
the course is really useful at the last part, for the front, i am not sure.
on friday, mr tan yee kan came in and talked to 4e4 and 4e5. the first thought i had was, can 4e4 go? you have already talked to us. is there a need for a second one?
nvm. i kept my mouth shut and listened to what he has to say for this time. he came in, he praised 4e4 for having good results and on the right track (does someone has anything to this 4 words?). the first thought i had was, i am one of the few who do not belong to that group of people who deserved to be praised.
after that, he started to scold 4e5 for having the results they have now. i was listening to that instead of the praises. i know i belong to the group whose results are bad, very bad. he asked people to explain why their class' results are not good. they could not answer. i am unsure if i was asked, i could answer him too. as much as i do not like him, i think both of them are right. you need BOTH external and internal motivation.
i do not know how long can i hang on. i have neither internal nor external motivations. i really do not know.
11/04
Wednesday, April 11, 2007 @ 11:51:00 PM
as usual, i went for the 730 study session. we only talked to ask each other questions and we were accused of talking. yes, we were talking, but not chatting. i really felt like saying, " you find me a teacher now, and i will not talk to them."
under edmund's and vernicia's teachings, i knew how to do cubic equation. yeah! went back to class shortly, and at the same time, forgot to hand in what i have done. nvm. i am going to do it tml and i am not sure when will mdm chan give it back to us.
i learnt about exothermic and endothermic today. hmm. it is rather easy, but can be quite confusing. for exothermic, heat is given out. the later part is the confusing part.
mdm ho praised me as a1 student. i was wondering if i am lucky or what. i wrote the ending of the compo while looking at pds practise. lol. the thing is, she also gave us the points and some elaborations. so i am not exactly good =x first thing i got 40++/70, according to hmt's standard. 44, subtracting 4 marks for 'sp', which is wrong word. aiya. if not it will be 48. first time. lol.
i got back my physics test, and as usual, i failed. wo bu gan xin. i studied for at least 2 hours. i spent so much time memorising the formulas and the patterns for series and parallel circuits. i still failed, with the comment like i never put in effort. i studied. i spent the whole ss period with roumiao, sometimes masdiyanah engages herself in the revision. i made sure i understood.
it is not true that i never put in effort. i made careless mistakes, that's why i will fail. if not for the careless mistakes, i would have scored 13 or 14/20.
tml is the resiliency course. i am wondering how will it be like, after going through the learning style workshop, which is not very memorable. not meaning the -ve aspect, but not very ke ku min xin.
the cream of the crop
Monday, April 9, 2007 @ 9:23:00 PM
he is forever correct. he is forever great. only he can hit, bully, pull/touch people's hair others cannot or rather, must not. once you hit him, he will say you started it first and he is only joking when it hurts so much. once you "bully" him, he will do all sorts of things to you, like slap you on the shoulder, face, pull/mess up your hair. needless to say, only his face is the most important. only others can lose face.
whatever.
quoted from him, a boy can touch/mess up a girl's hair, and not vice versa. WHAT THE!
now, can all the girls who are reading this entry, please think and tell me. can it be this way? even if you gel, spike or do patterns to your hair, can you go and mess a girl's hair? we also spent time and effort on our hair, much more than you spent on your hair, we also want to look nice in school, even though there are not many handsome boys in school.
you can say there are not many pretty girls in our school, WHATEVER. i do not care. i do not think i am pretty. if you think you can get away with the remark, "how can a girl's efforts and time to do her hair early in the morning be compared with a boy's", i make sure you will be dealt with severely.
if i was born a boy,
i make sure i do not mess people's hair up, boy or girl.
i make sure i do not spend much time on my hair.
i make sure i treat girls on equal status as boys.
i make sure i will be a TRUE gentleman.
i make sure i will not be as hateful as you are now. (do you know out of 10 people i asked, 8 said you are irritating and 2 think you are alright, but soon going to be not!)
you know all these yourself. i do not think you reflect on yourself. if you do, how come you do not know or rather you actually know? why aren't you changing yourself. i wonder how are you going to work in the society with your attitude.
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another exampleonce girls cross over boys' bags, the boys will be unlucky. (so superstitious?)
- hmm. i admit, it does get a little messy for about a week in a month, so approximately 12 times a year? does it really matter if a girl, who was a little messy for that day, cross over your bag? will you immediately fall down the moment you walk? choke whenever you eat or drink? no? then?!
even if the girl is at the un-messy days, you also want to scold. "why did cross over my bags? do you know that it will be very unlucky?" hello~ may i know if you are still living in the kampong or villages who actually drown adulterous couples or unwed mothers in pig's cage? i can only wonder.
it is not as if your bags are floating. your bags are on the floor, in the auditorium. do you expect me to lift up your bags cross then put down, while so many people behind will be looking at me, wondering what am i doing and why am i disturbing everyone. you see?
09/04
@ 8:52:00 PM
NAPFA.
only knew today was napfa this morning. i am not blaming on how leong who informed us, but the in-charge who is... ya. i was supposed to train for my standing broad jump. due to the very early minute of the day's information, i fared badly. i cannot even jump a length exceeding my height! how useless can i be!
i jumped to the length of 155cm. what the. one more cm means silver. fine. this shall be the first time i am stuck with a BRONZE. i could have forfeited all other tests, as i have already hit the minimum requirement of 6 points.
this is the first time. i am known as a rather strong and fit girl. that was what many told me. i also refuse to be those people who will just cry upon being bullied (btw, there are no such people in my class). when i admitted i cannot jump, majority of the people who heard that do not believe me. omg?
maybe i can use my knees as an excuse? it hurt, it will hurt terribly every napfa test. it did for 2006, and it did for 2007. i just cannot jump. i think there is just a psychological barrier, stopping me to give it a best shot. but what is it? and what is it that i cannot bend my knees? i tried, i succeeded and i failed. what else can i do? visit a psychologist?
1 day + term 2 week 3
@ 12:56:00 AM
i went to the art exhibition with masdiyanah and ansar. well, i thought it was a waste of my time, although i thought it was rather fun. rather contradicting right? nvm. sometimes, me myself do not understand myself.
initially we sort of lost our way, as we have not been there on foot before.
we went to re-surface the porcelain cups from the bottom of the waters. and then i also did something dumb. while re-surfacing some cups, i pointed to a few cups to masdiyanah, which were a little far from us, and started to splash water. in the end the cup was filled with water then it went to the bottom again. interesting? haha. i think it is. but the nicest part is the sound produced when kinetic energy is converted to sound energy when the cups collided into each other. the "ting" sound is very pleasing to the ears. like wind-chimes. of course not those
disturbing noise when a strong wind comes past. understand? in the end, we saw a lady tabao-ing some cups from the water into her bag we think. i think is 6 or 5, both of them said it was 5 or 4. aiya, the exact number is 1 lesser than the one i said, full-stop.
btw, the porcelain cups are there for a purpose- someone's art piece. and we are not supposed to touch it. oops!
lalala. summarising everything= we went home.
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nothing much this week. just that nicholas was suspended for a silly mistake that i felt sad for him. his birthday too. happy birthday to you =) i also discovered a secret accidentally. i am keeping my mouth shut, and i will prove it to you, lei win. always looking down on me. roars~ speech day rehearsal on tuesday. it was rather a screwed one for me. wonderful day.
"you have not stopped talking since just now." + all the starings. well, i have no comments
here.
speech day, good friday then the supposedly preview for NPAP. but it rained.
i ate too much for this week. friday a sumptuous dinner at my aunt's house nearby coffeeshop, then sat steamboat dinner at grandparents' house. i think i have at least gained 2 kg. argh!
time for serious diet! argh~~!
31/03
Sunday, April 8, 2007 @ 11:34:00 PM
wearing number 1 is definitely not easy. just the headache of pinning the crests is enough.
the uniform we got this time, is a new set. there are no indications on how do we actually pin our collar crests. i came up with mine- pinning it such as the end is aligned to the uniform's line. despite saying that, i can have people rebutting that why should we do that. hello. can you then give me a better suggestion on where do we pin it? if not, do you mind shutting your wonderful big, fat cream-of-the-crop's mouth. thank you.
no one thought of teaching the juniors how to wear the uniform. well, none of them. i was the one who took time off to teach them, and of course, if they did not take time off to learn, none of this could be possible. i can have people telling me this only on WED and THURS," pang, i think we need to teach the juniors how to wear number 1." well, some even didn't care. woah. that was the only word i could thought of. "i have already taught them on tuesday. didn't you see me teaching them?" and "you only thought of it now? ", i replied coldly, with a plain stare, withholding all sorts of emotions, including those of 'do-you-think-i-care'. not do not care about if they know how to wear, but do not care about your late-coming suggestion.
he was emo-ing, when he was with everyone. when he was alone with me, her and YTWO, he was alright. he scolded us early in the morning. i was of course unhappy. not that he cannot be, but out of a sudden you see. maybe not out of a sudden, but it is from the vantage point, he was unreasonable. i sat with amanda on the bus again, with julia beside me, across the 'aisle', whatever you call it. we became 'rebellious' whatever you call it (again). we made comments on every sentence he says.
for example, "those who have nothing to do, shut up." i was helping to adjust amanda's and julia's uniform, so i kept talking and making slight noises, even i have no reason to do so. when i stopped, i shut up. you see my point? another example is, "i don't want to see anyone standing during the bus journey." we saw jiajun standing after awhile. we started to whisper loudly so that we could hear ourselves, "how ar? jiajun standing leh? should we cover his eyes, so that he cannot see anyone standing?"
i brought my amaths over to hta to do, as i have nothing to do over there. in the end, i only did one differentiation question. oh ya. i have not handed in the worksheet. this is me. always
enthusiastically doing new homework and things before completing the previous.
we went back to sembawang sec and health-conscientiously walked to sun plaza. i was waiting for chuan jing, then i started to float around in sun plaza. firstly, i went to aries, wanting to buy new socks. dumb pair of socks i have now, so transparent. the thicker ones obviously did not exist in the shop, thus i went to 2 spectacles shops to look for
dew contact lens solution with amanda. it also did not exist in the shops, so she went home, i went to kfc to find the rest.
you can actually see the typical cliques in kfc. this with this, that with that. aiya. so typical can. lol. i went over to each of the tables, chit-chatting as if i am entertaining them during my wedding dinner =x such a fitting comparison huh.
her sms exceeded. anything lol. she said, "my friend meh" when her junior said i was her friend. kns. i began to eat ferociously when i realised i was the slowest. she kept leaning on me for the first part of the bus journey, i wonder why. i poked my finger into her hip then she siam-ed. interesting? lol. i also taught the monkey-salute to junting (who tried to cover her name tag after i have already seen it more than 10,000 [just a favourite number of mine] times), and she burst into laughter, once again, i wonder why.
i went home with dina on 812 again. hmm. i think we have became rather good friends after all those art tutorials and NPCC Day Annual Parade (NPAP) trainings. and we always have the expressions while i point at chuan jing (supposedly to bad-mouth her). she will always have the same expression to counterpart us. haha. wonderful life in 4e4 =D i will die just missing it.
frigging shits .
@ 10:55:00 PM
today, i finally realise, i am not that useful, effective, so great after all. i do feel helpless. very indeed.
pds training after school. i went to take a look. she came back, it was definitely surprising. long time since we have last seen her. the only, simple reason why she came back- she missed pds and wanted to know how it is doing.
lalala. i didn't know what happened until rebecca told me. hmm. i think both sides are at fault. all of them, except those cold-feeling guys, broke down. even me, the known for mentally-strongest girl broke down. this is not the first time i cried for NPCC matters, and it will definitely not be the last. (fyi: first time: stood for too long in the whatever formation you call that, to welcome the vip, i could not kneel. how am i going to perform if i cannot kneel down? second time: NPCC got gold for year 2006. third time: helplessness took over me and made me break down.)
they quarrelled. i could not do a thing. i can only stand at one side and listen. both parties are stubborn, very stubborn. both insisted they are not at fault. one wanted to cool down, while the other wants to have a confrontation. AIYA. so irritating. frustrated with them. in the end, while talking to the girls there, i cried. hiding from the sisters of course. they were like, just less than 100m in front of me.
it is not going to be an easy and smooth journey for me. letting go of the things i had loved all my secondary school life.
29/03
@ 10:54:00 PM
29/03: EV-ed. i became weird after power-nap. i became very emotional. aiya.
pe cancelled. isn't that
~woots~? we went back to class. i remembered i have to take amaths test after school. i kept calling mdm chan, but to no avail. i approached them for help in amaths, but they just ignored me. the first one is totally unbearable, the second maybe has the excuse of
, ignorance.
the feeling of helplessness is terrible. i felt something choking my throat. to my surprise, i find tears inside my eyes. i held them back. i can't let them fall. he is right: crying is a signal/form of surrendering. i can't surrender. i have to revise for amaths, no matter what. in the end, i think i will still fail it. i don't have the mood of studying after the "rejectionS".
19/03-28/03
Thursday, April 5, 2007 @ 12:02:00 AM
19/03-28/03 are days with not much activities, even if there are, i would have forgot them. lol.
11/03-18/03
Wednesday, April 4, 2007 @ 11:30:00 PM
here is a brief re-cap of what had happened for the past few weeks.
saturday went to safra partyworld with my uncle, aunt, counsin and mum. dad joined us for a while later. sian. i think i got fever. felt very very cold and body is very very hot.
fever. highest 39.4 sian. cannot think properly, cannot talk properly. i don't feel like talking, coz my voice is horrible. i can't project my voice properly. aiya. sian. might as well shut up.
first day of holiday: 4e4 went to ngee ann poly. woah. my choice of poly. anyway, upon reaching, i received an attitude remark from someone. i am only informing you. who asked you to give her extra attention?
tuesday: amaths remedial.
wednesday, thursday: no record. lol.
friday: slightly better. went for cca. like what i said, i can't project my voice properly. i tried to talk loud, but i guess i worsened my sore throat. demonstrated to the girls how to do standard girls' pumpings. half-way went to hta to draw number 1s.
saturday: did some homework, but can't finish it. headache and the disability to think.
sunday: went for nee soon east cc duty.
sick till the beginning of the 2nd week of school reopens. sian ar!
